I had to laugh out loud when I read those words in a beauty advertisement. DON’T SETTLE FOR DARK SPOTS. Now obviously the company was talking about the little dark spots people get as they age, but as soon as I read it I realized it was also His spirit pleading with His bride to not settle for dark spots in their lives. We can acquire those as we go through some wars. We get battle scars.
I’ve been currently walking through this very thing spiritually. I’ve been struggling to move forward boldly into the call He has for me. I have been spending much time in His presence asking Him what is the root of my “unwillingness”. Would I have ever said that I was unwilling? Absolutely not. It was a dark spot I was willing to live with.
I wanted to believe that I was willing to go anywhere and do anything at His leading without thinking twice about it. I believe I used to be that way so what happened? Life happened. Hurts happened. Betrayal happened. Death happened. I got a front row seat watching spiritual abuse in action. I was criticized, gossiped about, and slandered for simply being obedient to the Lord. I was branded as someone I wasn’t. Thank God for wise counsel during that time so many years ago that helped me see clearly.
I started journaling this week and I started to see that in my life when He spoke to me and I launched out obediently, it started so powerfully and full of His favor, but at some point it ended with me being devastated. I have received healing emotionally and in my thinking through counseling and prayer that I thought I had done everything needed to be fully healed. I was wrong. I hadn’t addressed my will.
I realized that my will was not in agreement about doing BIG things anymore because of all the pain I had been through as a result of my “yes”. When I would get amazing prophetic words spoken over my life, it felt like they were talking about someone else. They ended up making me feel intimidated instead of encouraged. I was much quicker to say No to something, than to say Yes. I would try to see all the possible hazards to the yes if I said it. Could I get hurt in any way? Do I trust the people involved?
The hard part is that I fully trusted and honored the people in my past and never saw the devastation coming, in fact, I don’t believe the devastation was ever meant to happen. That was enemy involvement. I started to see the enemy’s hand in each and every situation about halfway through and that’s when it derailed. Much of what I have walked through has been me growing up in the prophetic and not understanding the concept of planting seeds prophetically. I was too anxious to see the plant grow right there and then. Can you relate? Other times I was totally up against the demonic in ways I wasn’t prepared for. Nothing like going up against Jezebel when you don’t even know the spirit exists and you are left in a dizzy whirl of “what just happened?” In still other cases the people involved never meant to hurt me, they were just trying to survive the season and I know that with all my heart. See, I didn’t know that the enemy could use Christians in such evil ways. I didn’t know people were so willing to compromise on what they believed in times of stress. My mind was blown.
Much of my problem is disillusionment. I have a very childlike trust and desire to love people and think the best of them. I approached life like everyone should like me because I haven’t done anything to make them dislike me. I was not prepared for people to dislike me simply because of Who I carry on the inside of me. I remember someone referring to me as a threat. That statement stung a little until I realized who was saying it. To the demonic I am definitely a threat, but not to people. I started to see the war for what it was. It was in the spirit realm and the people involved were merely victims being used by the enemy and in many cases they were not even aware of it.
Anyway, back to my will. I started to realize that at some point even though my emotions, my thoughts, my body and my heart were in the Lord’s hands, I sensed that I had slowly taken back my will at some point through the war. My will used to be His will for me. Now I just wanted to prevent future pain. My will being in my hands was a black spot that needed eradicated through healing. When people would ask me to do things, if I felt like doing it, there was no problem. I am not someone to likes the spotlight at all and I wouldn’t call my self ambitious, but somethings I could force myself to do. The problem arose when I was asked to do things that I either didn’t want to do or felt like I wasn’t capable of doing them. If I felt incapable of doing something, I became unwilling to do it. In some weird way my insecurity had caused a rebellion of my will. I was horrified with this revelation.
I understood the Holy Spirit being with me through sad/hard challenging times but did I trust that He would be there through the good challenging times? Could He truly be my strength when I am weak to accomplish things for His glory and not merely get me through the hard times? Could it be?
I look back on the moments of YES and how anointed they were. Is my Yes worth it for lives changed, lives encouraged, lives refocused? Yes, it is. Even for one person. It’s worth it. Would I do it all again? I know I would because it was at His leading. Some of you may be wondering if you would if you could do it again. I have no doubt that when we get to heaven, if not on earth, we will see the beautiful ripple effect of the moments we said Yes to Him.
Now I’m not saying I’m there yet by any means, but I’m on the way. He is guiding me through this introspective season and He is fiercely determined to do it for all of us. He is tenderizing my will again with His love to make it flexible and pliable to His again. He wants to remove the dark spots. Even the ones we don’t know we have. Allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart for dark spots and don’t feel condemned when you finally see them. Allow Him into the deepest parts where the remnants of fear and insecurity are found. Repent of anything you find. Ask Him to wash the blood of Jesus over that area to bring total healing and transformation. He is exposing the spots to heal them. Don’t settle for living with the dark spots!
Ephesians 5:27 – that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (NKJV)
Psalm 24:3-4 – Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?
Or who may stand in His holy place?
4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,
Nor sworn deceitfully. (NKJV)
Ephesians 5:13 – Whatever the revelation-light exposes, it will also correct, and everything that reveals truth is light to the soul. (TPT)
Philippians 1:6 – being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (NKJV)